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yesterday went to mid valley with parents...n i oso bought many clothes..i quite happy tat time....but when we r going to eat dinner tat time, my father suggest go shushi king n eat..tats ok to me but when i went in n sat down at tat place i think back last time me n my friends r eating together at here too...the same table we sat...tat time i keep thinking back last time how freedom am i...go anywhere after skul i wan...everyday hanging out with friends, eat together, play together, laugh together , wat oso togeteher...those happy memory suddenly flash back in my mind...after eating i went out the restaurant n wait for my parents, when i standing there opposite shusi king is the memory lane...n suddenly think back last time all of us in there r so happy..tat time my tears suddenly came out le but i quickly stop it cuz later ppl there will feel very weird....hehe...so i just endure n went in my father car continue cry....cry silently...nobody noe....T_T
i think i can't go out with my family those places tat i hanging out with friends everytime...i will be sad when the memory flash back in my mind.....sobiezz....


dad n mum, when could i have my freedom back....everyday stay in house very boring la...just like the prison to me only.....aizh.....

pass this holiday alone again..

one week holiday agian.... becuz of pmr so we no need go skul...in this holiday wat did i do at home?i just watch tv for the whole day n play com n sleep....just pass my day by like tat...everyday oso the same thing i do....i feel i very useless...i tell myslef i must study but i can't even concentrate...I wan to go to libary n study but i don't dare to ask my parents cuz i dowan argue with them...so now i wat oso can't do...just listen to them wat they wan me to do..like tat i can just reduce the argument from me n them.....after this whole things happen, me n my dad de relation isn't good like last time...after this thing happen i never talk to him more n he oso never talk to me more....i really didn't mean to do tat...i wanna to talk back with him...but i dono how to make back our rrelation like last time...our maybe this time i really make him very dissapointed....hope one day we will be back as normal...

today wateva are going to sunway to clebrate jee seng birthday except i never go..cuz i can't go out...so i'm sorry i can't go yea..wish u guys had enjoy this day...n HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEE SENG...just now afternoon i dono y my dad back so early then after tat my mum ask we wan to follow anot...n i just say no...my friend are oso at sunway so i don't feel like going lu....dono y?don't ask me...aizh....

my one week holiday i didn't enjoy at all....i think next time my holiday are oso the same...will pass by alone ba....but i really hope one day they will give back my freedom to me ba..just need time ba....many ppl cal me to study n let them see,really thx to all my friend were supporting me...i will try my best.....pui yi must believe urself u can do it de....don't let ppl hu r beside u worry n dissapointed....u can do it de.....pui yi gambathe.....

i really very hate u!!!

today i when to tuition sains at ttc,then my mum say she will wait me at there till i finish my tuition..ok la..wateva she like to do just do..i don't care...when in the class got ppl told us later got extra class for maths...so i heard this i wan to go cuz tmr is having maths exam..so i told my mum tat i wan to go...n she say NO to me....wat is tat mean....i wanna do study n learn oso can't ar...cal her to give me a reasony can't go..no reason at all......say wat one day can't learn anything de la..wat oso she say.... wat oso she right... i'm wrong at all...

you guys keep stoping me doing things tat i wan to do...do u care bout my feeling...do u guys noe i very suffer!!!!!!!!!!do u guys noe i have lost my happiness?

dear..where did u go everytime i was sad?just now msg u,then say later msg me...when everytime i'm sad u sure not with me de?i very unhappy ar....T___Tu yesterday ask me de question let me feel scare n worry ar........ r u seriously with me? U noe i only can be with u in skul time only ar...Y u this few day tell me u dowan come to skul? y? wat r u thinking? can someone tell me?next week is holiday le la...u tmr last day u oso say dowan come to skul?Y?Y?Y?

confusing!!!

today i at class i very happy..dono y?i only can find happiness in my class..maybe those friend are really funny....every time i feel sad in class, they will look at me n just make me happy n smile...i really have a happy time with them....but in outside i don't really find this happiness...only sometime can find not every time....

I really dono wat he is thinking....he promise to study hard...but today after skul i waited for me cuz i missing him..i just wanted to be him even just a few minit... i cal back home n study...n he told me that STUDY WAT LA....LOOKING AT THOSE BOOK OSO WANNA TO SLEEP D LA....when i heard this i really dam angry n bu shuang...I really dono wat he is thinking...sometime he promise le he oso won't do....I really dono wat to do to him le la...i'm very tired ar....

today when i am sitting exam..i feel very suffer... cuz i dono y i suddenly very difficult to breath..aizh...dono y..i got a bad feeling...hope nothing happen to me...




hope u won't break my promise...

The 4th day of the darkness

today saturday morning, as usual i went to tuition in erican...Is for three hour in there...last time i hoping the time can pass it quickly n i can go our from this class...but today isn't same..i hope the time won't reach at 1 o'clock....cuz i dowan to leave this class...i dowan to back home... this house have make me lost my happiness n my smile have gone....only outside i can find back some of the happiness n my smile...but not like last time so happy n smile everyday....

WHERE IS MY HAPPINESS?WHERE DOES MY SMILE HAVE BEEN?ALL HAVE LOST!!!

This few days, he tell me a story...the story actually is about us...but he make to a story...cuz i say i very de boring in this house...so he just trying to make me not so boring...today i oso wan him to comtinue the story cuz he one day only say a little part of it...but today he say the story need to wait till next year only noe... i ask him y?he say dono...so i ask him is this story going to have a HAPPY ENDING OR SAD ENDING?he say dono..he think is a happy ending....then i told him dono y i feel that is a sad ending....n he ask me y?
i say i dono...i think only...maybe the guy n the girl distance will be very far for next year....but he told me...it won't be to far de,the guy will always beside the girl...then i told him how he noe?times will change everything..
aizh...wat is the ending going to be? I really dono...sometimes i really feel unhappy n angry with him...cuz sometime i tell him bout my problem he didn't even care sometimes just will only say aizh...cham nu....
aizh.........i really dono wat he is thinking sometime?wat he is doing?wat kind of people he is?sometime i really scare...i really dono is he telling the truth to me or is he lieing to me?aizh....my mind is so messy....maybe i do really think too much....
i really miss him very much....still got one more day skul will reopen..i don't feel like seeing him altough i miss him....dono y?maybe i dowan to let him see i'm unhappy or i'm escaping? i dono...


i miss bear bear n i love u....

my 2nd n 3rd day of darkness

i already stay in this house for one week le...i never go out with friends at all... where is last time de life from me???I WANT BACK MY LIFE LIKE LAST TIME!!!!!
I really dam boriing in this house...i'm not happy at all...i only will cry in this house....i wanna go out n hang out with friends...
I think that ealier on i have make wrong decision...i shoudn't tell my parents the truth n my feeling....ealier on i taught i tell out those truth n feeling from me they will understand more about me....but the conclusion is not the way i think....the conclusion make me feel very unhappy n suffer.....this week of holiday i hane no mood to do anything......they stop me from everything.....don't let me go out, don't let me hang out with my friend, don't let me stay back after skul......
but now i feel that i more unhappy n very suffer after they noe all the truth!!!!!! is *10000 times of unhappy n suffer from keeping n hiding from them.....i think i really make wrong decision...

At house, i really dono wat i'm going to do...i wan to study but i can't concentrate cuz i keep thinking those unhappy things....i only can do two things to forget my unhappy things...
one is watch tv.. i can forget bout the sadness when i watch tv but is not for long..after i didn't watch tv i will think back the sadness....i really dono wat i'm going to do....i'm vey suffer in this house....

when is my happy life is coming back?hu can tell me?after one year?or when?i really dono....
why did parents didn't care bout the children feeling... I noe they wan thier children to be good...wat they say they think they is right...but y they didn't ask for the children opinion n they feeling..will them like it or dislike it... y won't there care?y won't there think bout would i like it or dislike..... now they r forcing me to do something i dislike..they look my life...they r controling me...like a prisoner n police....wat life is this!!! I REALLY HATE MY LIFE NOW!!!

My dark day

today get up in the morning at 7... so dam tired...
cuz all of us following my father to office....i plan to study there.. and my plan fail again... T__T
this is because when i'm studying a half way my mum talk to me about me n him...my mum keep force me to let go this relationship n forget about it... I CAN'T DO IT!!!!!
is very hard for me....she say till very easily... but did she care bout my feeling n his feeling?
i can't even study. sleep n eat well for many day le.. i'm really tired....
i was in the office whole day and wat am i doing? I was crying the whole day agian..sobiezzz...
I really can't so easily give up this relationship... i dowan to treat this things as a game.. T_T



sad sad day...T_T